There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
