i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
