I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Actions speak louder than pants.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
