And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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