I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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