i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
