He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
