I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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