It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
