im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you win again, gameday.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
