Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
