I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
