You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
