can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Randomize
