He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
