Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
