booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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