I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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That reminds me...we need to get swords
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
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After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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