Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
