Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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