According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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