So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
