Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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