I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
