I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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