member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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