I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
