I bet he comes in French.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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