remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
