i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
