Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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