Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
