I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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