singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
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We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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