I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
