the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
