Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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