worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
