dude i'm inner monologue high
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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