Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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