i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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