Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
not ubering you a puppy
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
