a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
