The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
