I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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