Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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