So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
