i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
