you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
