You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
