About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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