god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
