HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
