Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
