And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
