Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I intend to get homeless drunk
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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