she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
