literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i need some magic done to my vagina
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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