He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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