that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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