Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
