I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
