What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
