I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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