Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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