She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
