i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I am mentally ready for anal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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