just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
