Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
