We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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