i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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