My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
