I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
