Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
