Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
