That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
