u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
