you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
